Here I Am

I am at
http://maps.google.com/maps?q=51.050911,+-113.948028

C S Martin

A Cold Day Through The Warm Atmosphere

Quietly, I awake, and there you are! I moved, you move me, then again, I sleep! A flu overcomes me, and I sleep! The sound awakens, and you wake and leave! I do not feel well, so I too must go! I return to my closest kin, and I rest! Here I am, and here I lay, sore, and resting! Sorrowly resting!

Posted with LifeCast

Dead To This World

I lay here now, dead to this world, as sick as a dog. A dog? Sick? No, but he shores loudly as he lay by the window quietly gazing out into the same big world I wish I was out in!

Posted with LifeCast

The Circle

The Circle

How may be the days to which will pass before mine eyes before you and
I exchange that which represents the bond which will never be broken?
I hope for very well. I know there are days which only get better, and
not worse; I know there is not a bad day given to me in your presence.

Our time is a gift which I would not exchange for any other blessing
in this world, and our faith is shared together as a strength. Will
the one who birthed you see that we belong? Yes! Will the one who
shares the symbol of the ring with her give you away? I can only hope.

What kind of man am I to be in your eyes? What kind of man have I
become for your heart? Am I who God has made me to be? Never! Never
will I stop growing in him, and therefore, I shall not stop growing
for you.

Soon you will be! Soon, I will be also. Many people wait for us to be
next, and for those many people, I will not let down! The time will be
soon when you and I are not known as apart, but together; forever!

C S Martin

Your love...my body; your love, my verb.

Your love...my body; your love, my verb.

Am I the one you had imagined? Am I now your pleasure? For what is it
to be that I may be the one you admire? And be it, I may seem to be
all that a woman would desire, so as easy as it be, I find myself in
your arms, and you, so easily in mine. I have grown to not know
anymore. I do not know if it is love that you feel, or may it be that
it is lust? Do you know what the words are that are written on my arm?
Did you see, as you explored my body; did you see that I wear my heart
on my sleeve? Or was it mere ink? What do those symbols mean? What is
in my heart? What is in yours, I do not know!

As for you, I know that it is not lust you feel. I pity you, for you,
my dear girl, you are so confused by your heart. "How is it so? How is
it that I have fallen so in love with one I feel I know intimately,
and yet, it is as though I do not know this one at all?" My dear, I
know that is the question in the cavity inside you which is
momentairly filled by the beat from within your chest. A flash! A
flash and it is gone! The hole becomes! Again, it becomes! Void!
Hollow! You are in love with me, and yet, you do not know me! You do
not know me, yet, you love him. Me! I do not know him! He does not
know me, and yet, he and I are one and the same! Two men, one body!
Two futures, two destinies, and two girls. Two, of whom, love the same
body, but different men!

You, I do not have to tell! I know you do not have to ask. For the
words written on my arm, you already know from deep within your heart.
In your eyes, I can see that the seed is there. Let it grow. Become
fertile to receive it, and it will grow! A mere whisper will set off a
fire which you have waited for through your whole life.

Before you, I have not known one to know my passion, but it will still
take time for you to understand where my passion has come from. Who
was the hand who has sculpted all that I am? What was ordained when
life was breathed into me? Sometimes, I know that I have forgotton,
but most times, I forget that I know!

C S Martin
chadmartin.delcarmenproductions.com

Mi Corazon

Mi Corazon

As this day has come again, my love, my heart beats to the changing of
your voice. Twenty seven years earlier, the world was not ready for a
man who would rise up to love you as I have. The song is played, and
there you are. You were there the day she passed on, You were there
the days of sorrow, and in my shame, you have been there. Through the
days of great, you remain. You have been with me day in, and day out,
and still, I only want you. The same words have come from your voice
again and again, yet, I do not grow tired of you. My mother always
knew you would become a part of me, but you did not just do so. You
became who I am!

You make me smile, and you draw tears from my eyes. When I hear the
bow pass along the strings of the cello, I hear you breathe. When the
pick plucks on the mandolin, I hear the diamonds you wear. The guitar
is the harmony of your voice, and the piano, your poise. How strong
you are when your heart beats through the percussion of a drum. Alas,
my love, you are my misery, for of the flesh, my love, you are not! No
matter how beautifully you sing to me, to some great extent, you can
not replace, nor satisfy!

Still, although you are my true love; my true passion, out there, she
remains. I do not know her, but she will know me. She will know what
my words mean, and who you are. My love, the one for me will know your
place in my life, and will know that you are who I am. She will know
how deeply you move me, and so she, herself will be moved!

As she stands out there still, she will know that she is mine well
before I know her, as she will know that you alone are my passion, and
will fall in love with me for it! My love you are, but my heart she is
yet to take. I can only dream of the day when I am shown that there is
one who loves me at a capacity which no other could possibly understand.

My song, my melody, and my rhyme, my love you are; mi corazon!

C S Martin
chadmartin.delcarmenproductions.com

Why the hell are you hiding from me?

Why the hell are you hiding from me?

I just saw you! You were right there! I walked up to that microphone
tonight, I looked up, a song just about came out, and that's when I
saw you! God damned it! Enigma, stop doing this. I know who you are,
and I will find you! I'm closer than ever. I'm climbing that mountain,
and it's snowing hard now, but I'm still coming, so be prepared!

We fought eachother hard today! It has been a while, but not by
choice! If you are convinced that you can pull me down, you're wrong!
Where is it that I stand that you ASSUME that I cannot see your game?
For it is with the swipe of a card that I will taste that burning pain
again, and I cannot wait! The drink calls to me, and the hurt tears at
me. You have no idea, Enigma, you have no idea what you do to me! Why
do you not tell her who you are? Are you afraid? I know your secrets,
I can expose you! I know she only knows you as 'E'! You coward! But
yet, I know! I understand! Again, you will never have her, yet you
want her! She is not the one! You will know her by the song!

And so it is, I turn to music, and I shall dream of whiskey! The stage
will come, Enigma, it is closer than you can dream! You saw me there
tonight! It was me who was about to let it all release into that
microphone! The stage, it calls to me, buy for now, I drug myself with
music made by others, and I dream of the sweet burning pain of the
whiskey I want so badly!

C S Martin

A time to cry.

A time to cry.

So here I am laying here on the couch of the friends whom I have let
down, and yet, they accept me for who I am. For it is they who are
more Christlike than I could ever hope to be. And what is it that the
setting sun has offered that could be so beautiful as your rise again
the next day? Could the despair be so bleak as to never see light
again? Oh, how she makes by heart beat, how her words are as the ebb
to my flow. So lovely is she that I can not see! I have told her that
I am a poet; but not, and nor, am I! I simply love the flow of the
words at my fingertips.

Fear consumes my career, and yet, I do not have faith! I fail again.
It is hope and faith on my arm, my two girls, yet, I have forgotten
their names! Hope, and Faith! Hope and Faith! My girls! Do I wear by
heart on my sleeve? As it is, it is so.

A new stage comes into my day, and it is a stage which follows the
setting sun. Stage West! Do I fear? Hope? Faith? Do you abound within
me? I should want you to know!

For now, I will pass to the night, remembering of Jocelyn, and the
sparrows which brought me home! I shall remember the god who brought
me here in the first place!

As I listen to this familiar voice singing new songs, I see this as a
time to pray...a time to cry!

C S Martin

C S Martin - or me?

C S Martin - or me?

A simple entry is to be written here. My blog is going to take a new
(old) direction. I am going to let C S Martin speak more through it.
It will become a blend of the words of the day, and the words of the
heart. For it is now that the sun shines warm enough to lay in waiting
for the rains to come and cleanse the grime from these days. The snow
has passed, and with it, the secrets held under it's pristine surface.

C S Martin
http://csmartin.blogspot.com

A day full of new opportunity!

A day full of new opportunity!

So yeah! What does a guy say about a kickass day like yesterday? Let's
start off by saying this....

So I went to Chestrtmere to meet about part time work running a
portable climbing wall. I met with the guy, and it looks like I
definitely got it. I ended up staying for four hours to work for him
belaying. It was absolutely awesome! I love how I end up doing things
I love for money. That is the way the world should be. Work at what
you love, and be happy!

After that, I went to Adam's party and saw his family and we went out
to Blue Like Jazz at West Side Kings Church. That was a well spent ten
bucks! It was very well done! Later, we returned to his house to play
some poker, and hang out. I was in the company of great people, and
one in particular who lead the feel of the whole evening. It was a
memorable night because of one individual. I do want to let the writer
in me explain how things felt last night, so here he is, ladies and
gentlemen, please welcome C S Martin!!!

What then is it that a fool does not see when the sun has set, the
blood flows and the heart beats? How can you say that you are not
enamoured with the eyes of a soul which continue to search into your
own as though it is somewhere within yourself that they may find an
answer? Two dark windows. Two! So alluring are they, that to look into
them is to look through them into something I will grow to want! What
would it be to search so deep into them as though to search for one's
future? Is it possible? Or does a man know himself to be against the
odds of all other men, and not even try?! For a prize is to be won,
and a prize to be sought is one which would be gained for life, and
give to you new life when the time becomes right! Would it not be so
simple as to just ask and hope to recieve the wanted answer in return?
Aah, but only in a fairy tale can it be so!

So there it is. A glimpse into last night!

Cheers

C S Martin
http://csmartin.blogspot.com

To blog or not to blog...?

To blog or not to blog...?

What a stupid question! Of course I have time to waste. I have the
option of staying up late because yes, I am now officially freelance.
I love it! I'm back in the game, and I feel like I'm where I belong!
Tomorrow I have a meeting with Kelly in the early afternoon about
freelancing with Frischkorn, than I'm meeting with Gary for coffee.
Okay...so here's how it goes.

I phone Adam to RSVP his birthday, and tell him that I'm back, so I
ask him if he knows anyone looking for freelancers. Because Wally
stepped away from Frish, I hear there is a new guy running Calgary.
Adam says the guy is named Kelly, and Gary has his number. I phone
Gary, and I have a number and a coffee meeting.

Next, I phone the number, and as it turns out, I freelance with
Kelly..."oh! That Kelly" at Inland AV. The same Inland AV I have been
wondering about contacting lately. This will be cool! Kelly is a cool
guy, and i look forward to seeing him again when I go to fill out
papers tomorrow!

Aside from that, I met with my probable landlord/roommate today at
north hill mall, and he seems pretty cool. I am totally digging the
idea of living there! May 1st, baby, yeah!

Well, that's all I got for now!

Cheers

C S Martin
http://csmartin.blogspot.com

I miss this board - and the industry!

The Return of Me???

The Return of Me???

Hey! As if I'm talking to someone, right? Maybe someone is
listening...reading. I'm not sure if I mentioned this, but a new place
to live is in the cards for me now. I am meeting with someone on
Thursday, and if all goes well, I will be moving out for May 1st. It's
exciting stuff. I don't know the exact house, but I know what block
it's on, and I can already say that I love the neighborhood.

I also am now officially on the call list for the Directors Guild of
Canada. That's some pretty sweet stuff. I met Carol after my last
vocal lessons, and even though I don't have my flagging, she has me on
the list. That means I cant be a pa on the road...which means I get to
do the more exciting jobs. Sweet deal, eh? Oh! I got a call to set up
a meeting with ACA Audio Visual today which means that I am officially
back in the freelance game. Hells yeah!!! The only thing which would
sweeten this cake is a good girl to share it all with.

Cheers

C S Martin
http://csmartin.blogspot.com

A New Day On The Horizon

A New Day On The Horizon

So as life has come at me, I find myself still hit with this flu. It
has gotten into my lungs, and now, I cough with every breath. I got
back to work only to be hit even harder a week later. I now have been
off for too many days to count. Could I return? Do I want to return?
Yes and no. I want to return...to the stage.

I have been taking advantage of my free (laying around incapacitated)
time, and building up a flashy comeback to the AV industry. We will
soon see the return of Chad in the CAREER he loves! For now, I will
continue to journal in my iPod, and post it on the net for you to read.

C S Martin
http://csmartin.blogspot.com

A New Day

A New Day

So yeah! Here I am finishing my laundry, listening to little big
town, and catching up on the meant-to-do list. It's nice, because I
just went through three and a half days of hell with that flu. I still
have a cough from it, but hey! That's life.

So now that I almost have my laptop paid off, I can work on getting my
truck fixed. After that? Freedom! I'll be free to do what I want.
Maybe a road trip to 150 mile house? Maybe visit Vancouver? Maybe
move. Not to a city though! Calgary or a SMALL town!!! We shall see!

Meh! Its all in the future! This is now!

C S Martin
http://csmartin.blogspot.com

A Second Day

So yeah! I still feel like I want to die today. The cement truck
backed up and drove over me again...and again! All isn't lost though;
my bed is nice and comfortable. I didn't have to feed yesterday, but I
went to my very first vocal lesson. I loved it. Music is so powerful,
it can heal the most wounded of hearts...which is why I want to use it
to save my friend. She is going through such a rough time, and I think
I can help! For now though, I think I'll focus on my health, and take
another day to get better, so now, I'll roll back over and let my body
rest!

C S Martin

A Sick Day

How well do these notes work? I hope really well. Anyway, this would
be cool to use as a journal. So let's get started, shall we?!

If I had to pick only one word to describe today, it would be
crap...as in I feel like crap! I feel like I've been run over by a
cement truck! But the question comes; why can't we get sick when its
convenient? By all rights, I should be in my truck driving to the
stampede grounds, but I'm not. Instead, I'm waiting and hoping to see
if Rod gets my message soon, and also hoping his wife was well enough
to make it in today because I don't want to leave him high and dry! So
when he calls, if she made it, than I will roll over and sleep. If
not, than I'll be getting dressed. I'll still have to do my evening
feed though no matter what!

To compound things, today is my very first vocal lesson. Yep, I tried
out for idol on Sunday, and all I got to show for it was my number
01832. So I am taking steps so I can make it next year. I have two
more chances, so here goes nothing!

It's now ten after, so I will probably get my call in the next twenty
minutes. So I'll say cheers!

Cheers,

C S Martin